Morality in Marriage?

Okay, so recently one of the authors I think very brilliant in all things literature, John Green, recently posted a blog in response to the question, "Do you believe in saving sex for marriage?"  Although it won't stop me from thinking he's a very good author, I very much disagree with the conclusion he presented.  Here, I'd like to respond to that enumerating why I disagree with his logic.  You can see the original blog post he made here.  I will write this blog as if talking directly to the author.

First, John, I'd like to address your struggle with definitions.  This is a very large part of philosophy.  We can't really define anything, can we?  It's very hard to assign specific meanings to anything, especially in the contex you were doing in your blog.  For instance, what is a bed?  Is it something you sleep on, or does it by definition have to be a piece of furniture with some sort of padding on it?  Does a sleeping bag or an air mattress or a normal mattress standing on its own amount to a bed?  In third-world countries, when a child sleeps on rags in the corner of the floor, can this be considered a bed?

Just like the words you expressed difficulty defining, every other seemingly simple thing can present a problem when coming up with a stable, specific definition.  However, in order to function in a civilized manner, society has to form some sort of generalized definition for each word it creates.  Thus Dictionary.com defines "bed" as "a piece of furniture upon which or within which a person sleeps, rests, or stays when not well," "marriage" as "the social institution under which a man and woman establish their decision to live as husband and wife by legal commitments, religious ceremonies, etc."  Thus, marriage is not defined as either legal commitments or religious ceremonies.  Those are simply the means.  The marriage is the commitment.

 And yes, sadly many marriages do end in divorce.  But for something to have ended it must have existed, so your logic is somewhat of a contradiction.  It was meant, maybe, to be life-long, but sadly it doesn't always turn out that way.  Regardless, since people whose marriages end in divorce were legally and socially considered married when they had sex, it cannot be considered immoral.  Besides, nobody can see into the future, and they can't be held morally responsible if they suddenly can't be defined as having been married at any point in their lives because they divorced.

Anyways, John, I think as a general operational definition, we all know what "sex" is defined as, and I'd say that's the first option you put up.  That doesn't make everything else you put up there moral outside of marriage, but we're not addressing that right now - we're addressing (as I see it) the meat of the definition, what most people perhaps loosely define that word as.

Because of all this, I think your reasoning is flawed.  I see how you got there, but I believe it's flawed all the way.  Of course, people are free to make their own decisions, and I'm not going to tell people what they can and can't do.  But I do have my own opinion, and that's that sex outside of marriage is plain-and-simple immoral.  I hope you understand why I've come to my conclusion, whether you agree or not.

In any case, it's sad to me how many people agreed with your post.  I guess people particularly in this age group have to agree with it, really.  As commonly stated, people will rarely do anything they know without a doubt is wrong, and therefore they're always trying to justify themselves to themselves.  It's part of being human.

With that said, John Green, I hope you will see my books on shelves one day, as well.  Hopefully they, too, will present the deeper meaning many contemporary books lack, and help people truly look in and discover themselves - the good and the bad.  Until then, I'll just continue in my own search.

Thanks for reading (even if you didn't),

Emily

P.S. And John?  Should you miraculously read this, a response of some kind would be appreciated!  I'm not the final source on anything (Obviously)!  So yeah. xD  Discussion makes the world better.  Oh yeah.  That was a super intelligent unequaled quote by M-E me.  Yeah. xD